Born to Rock.

Recently, I've been seriously questioned my taste and scope of music. For most people this would be something that is absolutely inane and unimportant to their everyday existence, but for me it is unsettling, so I consequently sent this e-mail to a friend:

Currently, I have about 14 GBs of music --some of which I have been replacing since Hurricane Katrina in '05. I've got about 30 more albums to go. I know that I'm severely lacking in size and variety. On the upside I have read a ton about music, so if I don't own an album I have probably at least read about it. I also have a lot of alt-rock (and its many offshoots), pop, experimental, and indie. In addition to this, I have an strange and uncanny knowledge of contemporary Christian music. Right now, I'm working to acquired a lot of older music because I am frustrated with the current state of modern rock. And I have really mixed feelings about the few indie bands that I like. Plus, I'm only 22, so I've a got a lot of music to catch up with! My catalog is small, but generally speaking, I have the most diverse selection of all my friends. Here's how it breaks down:

(Editor's Note: this is not my entire library!)

**Classic Rock: Led Zeppelin, Bad Company, The Beatles, Heart, Bob Dylan, Love, The Association, Strawberry Alarm Clock, The Doors, AC/DC, Frank Zappa, Captain Beefheart, SRV, Yardbirds, The Animals, Cream, Derek & The Dominoes, Queen, The Rolling Stones, Van Halen, Def Leppard, Donovan, Ted Nugent, Beach Boys, Jimi Hendrix, Bowie, KISS, Pink Floyd, Syd Barret, Thin Lizzy, Televison, The Who, Yes, The Police, Living Colour, R.E.M., Talking Heads, Nico, J.J. Cale

Old School Punk/New Wave: Dead Kennedys, Devo, Blondie Sex Pistols, The Clash, Carpettes, Wire, Bad Brains, Ramones, Fear, The Stooges, The Damned, Fishbone

Boogie/Funk: Dr. John, The Meters, Parliament Funkadelic (They'd take away my citizenship in New Orleans if I didn't listen to them)

Blues: Robert Johnson, Harlem Handfats

Jazz: Miles Davis, Nina Simone, Billie Holiday

Soul: Marvin Gaye

Country: I don't suppose Wilco counts?

Metal: Slayer, (old school) Metallica, (old school) DragonForce, Between the Buried and Me, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Testament, Lita Ford

Dance/Techno: LCD Soundsystem, Daft Punk, Fedde La Grande, MIA

Classical: Chopin

Rap: Lil' Wayne, Rhymefest, MURS, GZA, De La Soul, Beastie Boys, Eminem, Jay-Z, Tribe Called Quest, Boogiemonsters, Nas, Lupe Fiasco, Public Enemy, Soulja Slim, Tupac, Dizee Rascal

**Technically, some of these artists fall under different sub-genres and subcategories.

What do you think?

His response was that my "black music is sorely lacking." So, being the over-analytical person I am, I started examining exactly why this is. Here's what I came up with:

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My musical taste is odd for a black woman. But I suspect that is due to my weird upbringing. I grew up in a mostly black middle-class area of New Orleans, and I attended a VERY small religious school grades pre-k through 12th. When I rode in the car with my mom when as a child, I listened to what she listened to...which was contemporary Christian radio. For most religious black families in South, this was a rarity because my mother –who grew up in rural Mississippi-- hardly listened to gospel. Consequently, I have never acquired a taste for it.

Outside of contemporary Christian stuff, my mom also listened to Nat King Cole and Classical. I loved it when she would play "Four Seasons." I lived in a home with a single-parent's income, so I didn't have cable televison or get much exposure to movies. This probably also explains my total lack of knowledge about film. Music was always free, and therefore, always within my reach.

Aside from my mother, any other exposure I got from music before I was in middle school was by way of my brother (whom is 13 years my senior). He was really into Boyz II Men and underground hip-hop as a teen, so we spent a lot of time together whenever would babysit me while my mom was working. I remember sitting on floor with him in front of the stereo system in our living room. I must have been about 5-years-old. We were both sitting Indian-styled and he was teaching me how to whistle and to snap my fingers --both of which were unsuccessful on my many first attempts. When I finally learned to snap it was to a Boyz II Men song. It's still to this day one of my favorite memories of my brother and I.

As I got a little older, I started poking around my brother's CDs. For me, it was kind of like that scene from Almost Famous when protagonist William Miller was thumbing through his sister's vinyl. For him it was like seeing the face of God; however for me, it wasn't quite that way. It was more of an intense curiosity. Some of the album covers are still burned into my memory. Nas, "Illmatic"; Dead Prez, "Let's Get Free"; Jurassic 5 "Quality Control"; Boogiemonsters, "Riders of the Storm"; Jamiroquai, "Return of the Space Cowboy"[1]; and a Jimi Hendrix album of a name I cannot recall. I distinctly remember finding the back cover of the Hendrix album extremely weird and fascinating because I had never seen a black man with an electric guitar. I knew I had to listen to it.

When I was 11-years-old, I went through an intense phase with Nsync (yes, 'Nsync. I still cringe at the thought that I still remember every word to their first two studio albums.) Around this time, I started listening a lot of Top 40 radio, and I began noticing my fascination with learning about musician lives and reading music press. (Although, I was reading stuff like J-14, Seventeen, and Tiger Beat.) Throughout the duration of my middle and high school years, I developed a deeper passion for reading about and learning all that I could pertaining to music. I also studied Classical music in my school choir until the eighth grade.

A turning point came when my best friend at the time, Janette, gave me a copy of Now That's What I Call Music 3. It's pretty laughable when I think back on it, but at 11 it was like seeing the face of God. It was the first time I have listened to Blink 182 (I loved the "All The Small Things" video), Garbage, Oleander, or Limp Bizkit and I gobbled it up like a fat kid gorging on box of Twinkies.

Deep down I desired to embrace the rock videos I saw; however, I felt discouraged because it wasn't what the popular kids at my school were listening to. I also did not want to get stigmatized for listening to "white music" --something that I was constantly teased for because I haven't always had really good diction. (If you're from the North that might be harder understand. Yet, I digress.) Owning that Now CD fueled my burgeoning passion for rock-n-roll. It was the devil's music and I liked it.

Fortunately, I found companionship with another black classmate, Joshua Connelly. We both liked Limp Bizkit, and we would sing their songs together during class breaks. We talked a lot about how he was learning drums and bass. It was a important relationship because at the time everyone in our class begin breaking off into respective social circles that remain throughout the duration of high school. I got the point (at the wise old age of 12, mind you lol) that I wasn't popular, and I stopped trying to be. I may have not gotten invited to many sleepovers, but I always had rock-n-roll to comfort myself. I also suspect this had something to do with not being from an affluent family, and my physical appearance was going through some awkward phases. I was always the darkest-skinned girl black in the class, and all the boys --black and white-- flocked to more attractive light-skinned girls with less Afrocentric features. The rap music the popular kids listened to could never quell the sadness I felt for feeling different and I believe it is precisely why rock music felt more at home to me than the music they listened to. It was abrasive. It was dark. It was different and it fit me perfectly. And although it was no of interest to my peers, or any other black person I knew at the time, when painted my nails black and started stabbing safety pins through the strap of my messenger bag I felt connected to something that bigger than myself.

I guess I'm just a born rock-n-roller.

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[1] In 6th grade I had an assignment to give a presentation on England which including bringing in a traditional dish and sample of British music. I brought Shepard's Pie --which my mother made-- and Jamiroqaui's "Space Cowboy." No one ate it because Shepard's Pie was weird (read: non-American), and I remember feeling embarrassed --especially when the popular kids in the class snubbed it :(