36 Crazyfists The Tide And Its Takers Ferret Music
Fitted black t-shirts, angst, pleading vocals, and screaming matches are the perfect makings for a band in the modern hardcore scene. Fortunately, 36 Crazyfists have all these characteristics. Unfortunately, you probably can not differentiate this group from the plethora bands within the burgeoning hardcore scene. Their latest album, The Tide and Its Takers, desperately attempts to deviate from the hardcore format by throwing in a forlorn voice-over (“Only A Year Or So”), and acoustic guitars (“The Tide And Its Takers”). Instead of being sentimental, which was probably the original intent, the two songs come across as confusing. What's worse is that this experimentation, not only fails miserably, it does not keep the album from being extremely monotonous and formulaic. The clichéd hard-rock breakdowns, lifeless riffs, and harsh vocals make this album forgettable, at best.
"Rock The Cradle" has to be the most unoriginal concept I've ever witnessed[1]: The offspring of famous musicians, who are establishing careers on the sole basis of "setting themselves apart" from their parents...while performing someone else's music in a rip-off American Idol contest.
I am living inside a vacuous cultural vacuum.
Aww...Boo-hoo. Look at how these poor (rich!) rockstar children have to "struggle." Give me a fucking break. These kids are going on an MTV (!) show that will be force-fed to the masses, (and, of course, any material released by these tragedies will be eaten up like a fat kid's last cupcake). Much to my chagrin, they're going to give every single one of these kids recording contracts.
I LOATHE THE MUSIC INDUSTRY.
Straight From The Horse's Mouth: When the show returned from the second commercial break the generic blockhead host told the audience: "[These kids are] going to use MTV to get famous," to which the crowd (sadly) met with applause.
*Implodes*
They are not even trying to be subtle about not creating new, interesting, or relevant music! And what's even crazier is that the kids competing on the show actually believe the asshats on the judges' panels give a fuck about their talent. What they see is a herd of fuckin' cash cows. They know Bobby Brown's kid is going to push records. It's all about their lining pockets.
What's even more disturbing is that during the judging portion of the show, the judges focus the importance of their "style" and appearance. Hmm...what about actually having talent?
...and what's that? Dee Snider's son said he "kicks more ass" than Robert Plant [2]?:
fucking douche...
Robert Plant could eat him for breakfast. And of course Rolling Stone is totally sucking his dick in this write-up. Jann's gotta have somebody to put on the cover next month, right?
However, RS did have this to say, which is (sadly) true: Lattanzi...had never performed in front of a crowd before last night and looked like a total disaster. During her version of INXS‘ “Never Tear Us Apart,” she sounded like somebody doing an unflattering Fiona Apple impression on Saturday Night Live.
***
1. I have to admit, the title of the show is pretty witty.
2. I couldn't locate the clip online; however, MTV will be sure to re-play the episode again (and again and again and again....)
Listen to track four, and you'll see why. It is probably the worst piece of music I haven't heard in a while. It makes me want to react violently whenever I hear it.
If you're going to listen to this album be prepared to take a nap. That being the case, I'm going to tell you exactly what it sounds like: If any band could best exemplify the musical epitome of sleepy indie rock, it would be The Diggs (and about 10 bands I can't recall at moment). Influenced largely by the buzzing guitars of 90s alternative, the band has created a sound that is so incredibly derivative you consistently feel like you've heard it all before –and that's probably because you have.
After listening to several tracks, Ctrl-Alt-Del begins to blur together into a hodgepodge of everything you don't miss about 90s rock (“Careen” and “Collide/Collapse”). Vocalist/ guitarist Tommy Lannen tries his best to emulate Bloc Party's post-punk cool (who are really just ripping off Gang of Four, but at least they do it well) by pumping out some of the most jangly reverb-drenched guitar lines he can fathom, but unfortunately, his results are tepid.
The closest this Brooklyn, New York three-piece ever gets to exciting is the intro of “Brightness Falls” which comes off as a watered-down Strokes' single. What may be the band's most unnerving quality is the inability create appealing or captive music, resulting an incredibly passive record. There is nothing conceptually, aesthetically, lyrically, musically, or texturally interesting about this album. Not one moment of the album will jar listeners or invoke...well, anything; making this album fall completely flat.
It's hard to believe that Hanson is still making music after a mid-90s explosion on the pop scene with their hit-single "MMMBop." On their latest release, The Walk, Hanson has created quite a compilation of sappy piano-laden rock ballads, power pop, and watered down blue-eyed soul numbers. That makes is easy to that this album will be in the CD players of many soccer moms all across the country. And for those of you clamoring to get your paws on the Hanson's latest release you can rest assured that Walmart has it in stock.
This time around its seems the Hanson brothers have tried to deviate from their bubblegum pop past. However they've only to succumb to creating a brand of non-threatening soft-rock that unfortunately breaks no new ground. Their middlebrow adult contemporary streak can be best heard in the trudging wannabe anthem "Watch Over Me" and the Coldplay-esque "Fire on the Mountain." On another track, "Running Man" the group tries to channel their best Maroon 5 impression with a shimmying rhythm that sounds like something straight out an 70s soft rock compilation CD.
Sadly, It’s not too much of a stretch to say that among the artists that emerged from the teen-pop boom that Hanson has not strayed far from their roots. And if the slick pop production isn't nauseating enough the group has managed to make an album with enough mounting piano chords and tortured soul vocals to make James Blunt look like Barry White --seriously.
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36 Crazyfists
